We both know what it is

“Watch me knock over every cup of coffee poured in this house.
Watch me rip the pits out of fruit just to throw the whole thing away.
I don’t know how to be angry with you.

I don’t know why I thought the sound of your voice
could make up for all of the bad things that ever happened to me.

I tried to write poems about you leaving before you left me
because I was scared; now I write them because I don’t know what
else to do in your absence.

You have ripped something from both of us
but I don’t know what it is. I’m sorry I have to lie to make it easy.”

— “We Both Know What It Is” Trista Mateer